Life bytes: When there is a 3rd party June 10, 2011

What do  you do when there is a 3rd party in your marriage? Esp when the 3rd party is a little green man who can promise hours of endless fun.

My 3rd party

I realised this long ago, because every now and then.. a new “app” will make my hubby spends hours staring into that small screen for hours and he can literally lock himself in the bedroom after dinner till bedtime, sometimes even after I’ve fallen asleep and he can continue playing in the dark. Such period can last for weeks.. till he either finishes the games or FINALLY get bored or when our newly hatched son starts to scream for attention after some failed attempts at getting his dad’s attention from the exciting game.

Don’t be mistaken, this isn’t a bitter post. If you are married already, you will agree that this is part and parcel of married life, and if it isn’t the little green man, it could well be your 46″ LED samsung TV, or the latest WII game set. If you are not married yet, good luck in discovering.

I guess Mars or Venus, we need our time alone. Time alone for me, could be a short shopping trip alone, some times, its a trip to the salon for a wash and blow ( my usual one is at Holland shopping mall, because their hair wash counter is a flat bed that you can relax during the whole process) or sometimes its a pedicure in a quiet nail salon. I guess we all have our ways to be at peace with our inner soul, which is alright, as long as we are sensitive to people around us. The problem comes when we are too engrossed in our own little amusement world, we neglect our loved ones and our duties, be it as husband or as fathers. BTW, I find it rude when one start playing games on mobile when I’m alone with them because when they do that it seems to imply: ” I’m sorry but my game is more interesting than interacting with you.” And that really bothers me a lot. Replying to SMS or answering phone calls are fine, but playing games.. sorry, you just hit the ice berg, mate.

So, what I am really saying is that its ok to indulge in self pleasures and some TLC for your soul alone. It’s not okay if you are doing it at the expense of someone feeling bad and that someone is a loved one. Something to think about?

 

 

Lovebytes: Flashback July 28, 2010

3 years ago..

She lay on her bed, blanket over her head. Trying to drown out the thoughts in her head. She knew what she needs to do. She has promised his father, that she will let him go. He will go to Canada and start a new life. Time will heal the pain… the excruciating pain in her heart..Her pager went off, she flipped it over and read the last message she will ever receive from him ” I loved you with all my heart.. goodbye..”  Her world crashed down on her that day.

3 years later..

She was just having a casual afternoon tea with a friend at Coffee Bean. Somehow she felt something tugging at her heart that whole morning, but she couldn’t put a finger to it. Then out of a sudden, someone tap her shoulders and she turn back. That face.. for a couple of seconds she felt like her world stood still. The same face she has been trying to forget, is now right in front of her.

“Wow, it’s really you!” he said.

“oh hi..so…. you are back?” she said, her mind in a frenzy. Then, she noticed her.

” Oh let me introduce you, this is Joy, my girlfriend” he said.

She couldn’t quite remember the rest of the conversation after that. She only remembered that when he asked her for her current contact number, she gave him a fake one. She didn’t really want to see them again.

That night, her heart felt like its carefully stitched up wounds has been ruthlessly torn open and left to bleed dry. She knew then that she hasn’t really let go of him 3 years ago. Physically she did.. but not otherwise. And that night, she made up her mind to truly let him go.. out of her life forever.

Lovebytes: What is your objective? July 25, 2010

I often pose this question to my subordinates. I told them in everything they do, they need to first know their objectives. Then everything they do, say, should move them nearer towards their objective/goal.

Lately, a sales video reminded me that it also apply to my marriage. Or any marriage or any personal relationship actually. Now suppose my marriage objective is to stay married. Not too tough I guess. How about staying married to the same man? Now what if I say my marriage objective/goal is ” Stay married to the same man.. Happily!” Now we are talking.

How would this change the way I act, speak or behave? If that is my goal, would everything I say or do today.. contribute to achieving that goal? I guess it better be. Well..that being said, it doesn’t means that I would suddenly become a submissive wife who takes every crap my darling hubby throws my way. It means I would still have expectations, just as he would have of me. I would also expect him to carry out what I expect of him and vice versa. It doesn’t means that the next time he unleash his short temper on me, I should just forget about it to avoid conflict. Because eventually I will grow resentful if I keep doing that. And that doesn’t exactly goes well with my marriage goal.. Stay married.. probably.. Stay married to the same man.. perhaps.. Stay married to the same man, happily.. nah.. cannot possibly be happy if I become a resentful, spiteful, miserable wife.

So maybe its high time you start thinking of your marriage/relationship objective?

Lovebytes: After a while.. July 5, 2010

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contacts and presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your headup and your eyes open with grace of an adult,not grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s grounds is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and that you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn, with every good-bye you learn.

Lifebytes: Thanks Buddy.. June 28, 2010

For whatever that is worth, you manage to do it again. Not the first time, certainly won’t be the last I guess. Somehow it seems so easy for you, so natural. It appears that the more I let things pass..the easier it has become for such casual words.

Lifebytes: God’s will May 3, 2010

Often, I have overheard fellow christians, lamenting when bad things happened, that it is all God’s will. I always wonder, then, so bad things happens to God’s people?

As much as I believe that God in all his sovereignty, oversees our life, but He doesn’t play us like puppets. He has given us this precious gift called ‘free-will’. We do get to choose the paths in our life! We are not mere puppets who are manipulated by some egoistic masochistic God who control us for amusement.

Yes, we are allowed to make mistakes. And God’s plans allow for mistakes. Thats why we need Him for strength when we fall.

Something to think about?

When I say…”I am a Christian” April 22, 2010

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not shouting “I am saved”
I’m whispering “I get lost!”
“That is why I chose this way.”  

When I say…”I am a Christian”  
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and I need someone to be my guide.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m saying that I’m weak
and I need strength to carry on.  

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed before
and needed God to clean my mess

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I’m worth it.  

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.  

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I do not wish to judge. 
I have no authority.
I only know I’m loved.

Lovebytes: The most important person March 17, 2010

“Mummy.. when I grow up, I’m going to be someone important!”

” Of course, sweetheart, of cos” Mummy smiled and gently toussled the hair of her lovely 4 years old with happy tears welling in her eyes. ” You already are the most important person in my life!” she says quietly in her heart.

Lifebytes: Love turn operational February 22, 2010

I always tend to feel a little ‘emo’ after my meeting my bestie and after our casual discussions of our lives. While I agree her marriage has pretty much reached the end of the road. That their life together has long dissolved into something just slightly more tasty than plain tap water. Yet, I always feel that tinge of saddness for their beautiful daughter. Surely,not all marriage walks that same fate? Yet reality check tells me.. 90% of marriage eventually just becomes operational. My last check on all my married friends, tells me this is not far from the truth. Staying in love? Keeping the passion alive? I can’t even remember the last time my hubby give me a passionate hug. Or told me anything to the effect that he misses me.

I know my feelings will pass. It always does. Who says contentment means being happy?

Lovebytes: Someone who makes me laugh February 15, 2010

 

Overheard from a 5-year-old girl: ” When I grow up, I’m going to marry the man who makes me laugh”. What wisdom I thought, that this little girl have. I remembered a time many years ago, when a girlfriend was troubled by her relationship, whether to let go or not, I asked this, ” Does he still makes you laugh?” And she said ” yes, actually he still do!” And I had told her,” then I guess all is not over yet!”  She then went on and married him few years later.

In fact, when now I look back at my relationship, that my husband can make me laugh, makes a huge deciding factor back then. No doubt, no one is perfect. I’m not perfect either. But beauty fades, money can’t buy you true love. So really, end of the day, we just want a man who can make us laugh, someone who puts a cheer to our life. Someone who can laugh at our foolishness and not criticise us for being stupid. Someone who just makes us  happy. That’s really all that matters really.

Yet sometimes, something so simple.. can still be so hard to fathom, sometimes so unobtainable. Something to think about?